The next morning Bill busted out what may be the greatest shirt ever produced.




When a man chooses to sport a shirt of this magnitude he better fuel up because...




...it's doggystyle time!




That's right, the Double Doggy, legal only in International Waters. Did it help Wayne in his third day in fierce battle with the Tower of Cash?




Sadly, no.




Brian and Bill distracted Wayne for a moment with digital poker.




"Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man, no time to talk."




So this brings us to the biggest problem with eight dudes on a cruise ship: Because we were interested in different things we kept breaking off in different groups with no way to communicate since our cell phones did not have reception. There was a lot of wandering about, searching for the others. Case in point...




Alex, AK and I found these guys two levels down.




And all the way at the bottom...




...this beautiful specimen of a man hanging at the bar.




Yet we were still missing Dondi.




We headed to the Shakespeare Library...




...for a game of Trivial Pursuit.




Where's Waldo?




There he is!




Alex joined in the game.




Now you know why they named it the Shakespeare Library. Hamlet.




Romeo and Juliet.




What do we have here?




How did they find Bill's high school prom photo?




Later Bill and I joined the ranks of medal winners with perfect scores on the game of identifying celebrities.




Sally Ride is where Brian lost his medal.




While it appears the cruise was taking its toll on Wayne...




...his artistic skills were in full effect.




Much to Brian's discomfort.




But Brian rallied by winning the Beatles Music Trivia game.




That's my boy, blue!




While Wayne enjoyed a moment with Kate, our game hostess...




...Bill swiped his phone that he had left behind on his seat, as his Wayne's tendency.




We had Kate pretend that she found it while Wayne sweated the possible loss of yet another phone.




Back in the cabin Brian was watching a movie where a snowboarding monkey also won a medal.




Then we headed back up for yet another game where Claire joined us on her break.




We took a picture with Daniel, our 12-year-old game host from England, after Brian won another trophy for some game.




Then it was time for a ship-wide photo scavenger hunt that included the following list:




Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil.




Someone eating pizza.




Standing over a pool.




A Carnival employee.




A group shot.




We lost by three pictures.




We decided to head out into the beautiful day.




Because it was ping pong tournament time!




Wayne faced off against Bill.




Bill tried to channel the Power of the Pug.




Wayne smoked him.




Then Brian went mano a mano with Gloria, a 60-year-old great-grandmother. This was no-win situation for Brian: If he wins he's the guy who beat a defenseless old lady; he loses he's the guy who got his ass handed to him by a defenseless old lady.



We loved every second of it.



It was a tight competition.




But in the end he was the guy who got his ass handed to him by a defenseless old lady. If you check the background...




...the crowd enjoyed Gloria's victory.




Then we headed to karaoke where this rotund fellow warmed up the crowd with a great tribute to John Cougar Mellencamp.




Bill was unimpressed.




Then he showed why.



Bill's shirt was the best part.



Bill drove the crowd wild!




There was a fire starting in Alex's heart and it was reaching a fever pitch.




Dude crushed it!



Then it time for a group performance, although for a few moments I thought I was going to go it alone. After much cajoling (and maybe even a little begging) we finally showed them that even white boys (and Alex and Dondi) got to shout.



At dinner that evening it was time for the Great Raidu: Master of the Unknown, Duke of Deception, Baffler of the Senses (cue "The Final Countdown").




Then it was time for the dinner conga line!




Bill kept snapping at Brian's butt with his napkin as we circled the dining room but evidently the rhythm got Brian so he never felt a thing.




We were a hit with the older ladies of the Asian persuasion that night.



Day Four