So Brian was listening to KROQ one morning and heard Kevin and Bean talking about Rent-A-Midget.com. It was as if we had found our destiny. Frodo had a ring to return, Scout had some innocence to lose, and we had a midget to deliver. The only questions were how much and to whom? The answers were $75 and, with Valentine's Day fast approaching, Principal Diane Bladen.

On top of the fee there was the small matter of flowers, a balloon, chocolate, and a card, not mention a nice tip for the Cupid-costumed little guy. We first went around soliciting partners so we would be not be stuck with an enormous bill between the two of us. Brian and I each contributed about $20 apiece for the aforementioned extras and the following each threw in $10 and their signature on a very large card:

Lois Heilemann
Mike Tellez
Karrie Hensley
Joe Vasquez
Elaine Rodriguez
Bobi Brooks
Jessie Arvizu
Susan Bobadilla
Maryann Gutierrez
Jessica Chavarria

While not wanting to jeopardize their jobs if this thing went horribly wrong James Espinoza and Bill Crockwell both went in as "silent partners" which simply meant that they gave the cash but didn't sign the card. Good show, guys.

Of course, we ran into a few problems. The school was closed on Valentine's Day. We looked at the preceding Friday but Brian would be in Vegas for his wife's birthday. It turned out Diane would not be at school on the Thursday so we settled on Wednesday, the 9th. So we booked Lil John and counted the days.

When the day came I was scheduled to meet Lil John in front of the school at noon so he could change in my classroom. I got a call at 11:58 from him telling me he was delayed by an accident on the freeway but assured me he would arrive in ten minutes. Then Irene, Bladen's secretary, tells Brian that Diane had experienced a really bad morning and she would not be in the quad supervising the lunchtime crowd as she normally did (this was thanks to Mike Sullivan whose existence can best be compared to a pestilence. Thanks, Coach.). But in the end Lil John arrived at 12:10 and Brian had Irene tell Bladen that the kids had something special for her to see in the quad and she needed to out there.




The man himself, Lil John.




Like a Great White Shark (or a cute little beta) Lil John headed to the quad in search of his victim.




Standing with Mr. Callaham, the unsuspecting victim munched on some snacks.




Out of the crowd he appeared... direct hit! Bonus points for the look of shock, confusion, and bemusement.




Time to revel in his success.




Uh oh, she opens the card.




She begins to process the identity of the 12 signatures.




The only question now is whether or not Rosemead High School will have 12 new vacancies.




That's right, folk, tears! Those that kicked in for the "little" adventure can now be assured of a long and happy employment at RHS.




Before making his exit Lil John even stopped for photo ops with students.




And just as quickly as appeared in our lives Lil John was gone. We'll miss you, dude.