We met at Brian's since we were taking the Minivan of Magic. Mike Tellez and I are in a Prius gang. It's all about the MPGs, suckah!
Alex Rai joined us.
A-Rai was sent to the far rear because...
... we were picking up Dominick. With all that Rosa Parks sacrificed it would have been an injustice to send him to the back.
What's up with Xavier McDaniels just hanging out?
Remember the X-Man?
C'mon, D-Rob wasn't in the Minivan of Magic five minutes when we had the cops behind us.
Since our goal was to show Dominick how white boys party we naturally headed to Hollywood.
An homage to Mike Tellez.
A week later someone stole the inflatable muscle man. (I'm still checking on Dominick's alibi.)
Brian and I were here just last week for the opening of Star Trek.
After our drive down Sunset Blvd. Brian made a left and headed down to Santa Monica Blvd.
Hamburger Mary's, baby!
That is a giant beer.
Alex likes giant, shiny balls.
We enjoyed many appetizers.
The future mayor.
Brian bought bingo cards.
Then introduced Dominick to his dabber.
Then Bingo Boy (yes, he actually calls himself that) introduced the guest caller.
Kevin Farley, brother of Chris Farley.
Let the games begin. Dominick was locked in.
But it was A-Rai who won the first game of the night.
Alex won prizes.
Brian did not.
Neither did Dominick.
Alex won a bunch of weird stuff.
That deaf, dumb and blind kid sure blows a mean bubble.
But this wasn't just any old plain bingo.
This was burlesque bingo!
Albeit, white trash burlesque.
Some dude even tipped her.
D-Rob enjoyed himself some burlesque.
Let's switch up themes.
How about a witch doctor.
Don't know how you do that voodoo that you do.
She's got the remedy for what ails you.
Though she needs to hit the jungle gym more often.
You get what you pay for, I guess.
At Hamburger Mary's bingo the winner runs up and down the aisles while the losers throw their crumbled up cards.
Here's a loser.
Here's a winner getting hit in the face.
Alex made Brian an apt sign for the night.
Back to the burlesque.
This time of the gothic variety.
Check out the heels.
Check out the boobies. Not the best, but boobies are boobies.
I was a bit slow with the camera but the last dancer asked Brian to escort her off stage.
Now we're talking.
This ain't your father's Snow White.
Amp it up.
A bit more.
Deluxe, son, deluxe.
It was enough to drive a man to drink.
What's the name of the game? Bingo!!! How do we play it? Loudly!!!
There are three things I like about this photo: 1. The sequin-encrusted high heel that the bill came in; 2. Dominick's big, black thumbs-up that entered stage right; and...
...3. A-Rai's Can-You-Smell-What-the-Rock-is-Cooking eyebrow raise that stole the shot.
So, Brian had told Bingo Boy that we were here celebrating Dominick's birthday. Bingo Boy was going to call him up and D-Rob was going to get spanked by one of the dancers. Unfortunately, Bingo Boy forgot. As an apology he gave Dominick a free Bingo game on his next visit. I have a feeling Dominick is going to be spending a lot more time in West Hollywood.
Looky who's in the house: Gene Simmons! He was here to film an upcoming episode of his A&E TV show Family Jewels in which he would be judging a beauty contest. Mike is a huge fan of The Demon so he posed with him. The dude was totally cool when I shook his hand.
Dude brought his Love Gun to judge a drag queen contest.
Then came the real fun. What Gene Simmons' producers failed to tell him (and we failed to tell Dominick) was that the talent contest was going to be comprised of drag queens!
Just a sweet transvestite from Hamburger Mary's.
I was sitting directly to the left of Gene Simmons.
The first contestant.
The second contestant.
S/he worked the pole.
This may be the last time Dominick ever goes out with white people again.
Drag queen overload? Take a hotness break.
Back to business.
This is the last time he will ever go out with white people again. Ever.
He danced to Madonna's Vogue.
Attention to detail is the key to any successful drag queen.
Ok, for some clarification, Dominick was absolutely ruined when the drag queens came out. He loved the burlesque dancers, but when the gays took the stage D-Rob shut down. After being fully focused when the ladies were dancing, he suddenly found himself engrossed in his cell phone when the dudes were doing their thing. Each time I tried to get a picture of him he suddenly became all smiles, as if this was the greatest night of life. Homophobia: it's a disease.
So, this one's for you Dominick.
This is for the rest of us.
Check out this tall drink of hot chocolate.
You can see the grin on Brian's face.
He was a crowd favorite.
Your chonies are showing.
Can you say "Crying Game"?
Welcome to West Hollywood.
Near the end of his set this dude went under Gene Simmons' table.
Much to his chagrin.
I hope the cameraman is from Family Jewels.
Finally caught him acting like he's got business to take care.
Too late, man.
The talent then lined up...
...as Gene Simmons chose the real "queen".
Dude was close to me I had to lean back so he could walk past.
Dominick snapped me giving some love to Brian.
On our way out I took a parting shot of Gene Simmons canoodling with the talent.
Alex revisited his big, shiny ball.
You think Mike missed the concept of this picture?
Alex left his bingo winnings inside, so while he ran back in we jumped in the Minivan of Magic and drove around the block a couple of times, honking at him as we passed.
We filled up the Minivan of Magic with Laz D , Kanye West and Ranvir Shorey...
...and headed back to San Gabriel for a $15 foot massage.
I have this framed at home.
Softening up the feet.
This is the only way to end a hard day of burlesque bingo.
Dominick enjoyed some complimentary tea.
Near the end of his massage I traded placed with Mike's masseuse and gave him a happy ''ending''.
Which is better: Alex's excellent head placement, the amused look on the masseuse's face, or Mike having no idea what shenanigans are taking place behind him?
That is the look of a satisfied customer.
I have no idea what Dominick is doing.
We dropped Dominick off at his car and he rewarded us with a double thumbs up.