So Brian scored tickets to the 41st American Film Institute's celebration of great movies. We ended up on TV last year when we showed up as gladiators to honor Kirk Douglas in Spartacus. This year the focus was on Sean Connery and his awesome adventure with Michael Caine, The Man Who Would be King.

Note: Certain names have been changed to protect the guilty.




The main star would introduce each movie, but only Connery had the honor of having his shown in the Cinerama Dome; the others were relegated to Arclight screens.




Brian said good night to that freaky thing that hangs on his porch every Halloween, and we were off.




Here's the back story: We were supposed to meet Dwayne and his friend Terry at the house of another friend, Fedor. Yet, when we arrived at Fedor's house no one answered the door. It turns out that Dwayne had lived next door to this house years ago and that's how Brian knew where Fedor lived. Brian called Dwayne to find out where he was. Dwayne said he was inside, and told Brian to just come in.




Just as Brian was about to walk in a lady finally came to the door. Brian asked if Dwayne was home, and she asked, "Dwayne Musick?" Then it all became clear to Brian. He suddenly remembered that Fedor didn't live here any longer... but his ex-wife did, and she wasn't at all impressed that a couple of fools were ringing her doorbell looking for Dwayne. Brian remembered that Fedor actually now lived about three blocks away. When we got there...




...Dwayne, bless his heart, had a limo waiting for us.




We met Terry, who was waiting for us inside. The funny thing about looking for Fedor's house? He wasn't even meeting us there. He works in Hollywood so we were going to pick him up in the limo, and he would drive us back in his car after the movie.




Yes, we were going to roll up to the Cinerama Dome red carpet like kings.




We had two stops to make: the bank where Dwayne filled his pockets...




...and the Oak Tree liquor store where he emptied his pockets. Dwayne bought so much stuff the cashier helped carry it to the limo.




A sample of the Temple City talent.




When we picked up Fedor in between the Dome and Amoeba Music, we headed to eat on Sunset Blvd. Literally. We had the limo drop us off at eat. on sunset, with Dwayne getting the driver's cell phone number and telling him we'd call him in an hour or so to pick us up.




The restaurant opened at five, so we had a few minutes to wait.




Then we enjoyed the best bar food ever while watching the Dodgers and Manny Ramirez dismantle the Chicago Cubs 7-2 in game one of the NL Division Series. Left to right: Terry, Fedor, Brian and Dwayne.




Apparently Dwayne fancies himself a hip hop MC, ala Ice Cube. Here he is working out the kinks to "a great hook."




"What's up, motherfucker, KABOOM!"




Ok, so when it was time to call the limo driver Dwayne realized he had left his cell phone in the limo. Yes, that would be the phone with the limo driver's number. He also left plenty of booze and Terry’s phone charger inside. The irony of all this is that on the ride over in the limo Dwayne was showing off his brand spankin' new cell phone, even commenting on how there was already a pool on how long it would take him to lose it. So an amused Fedor decided to relax outside the restaurant while the problem was sorted out.




After a while Brian joined him while Dwayne tried to find the number to the limo company using Terry's phone.




Fortunately the restaurant was only a few blocks from the Cinerama Dome, so we used the foot mobile down Sunset, with Dwayne still trying to contact the limo driver.




We were "The Men Who Would Have Rolled Up Like Kings."




Dwayne and his "What, me worry?" grin.




Terry pointed out that this building on Sunset has a gunner's sight on its side.




Dwayne then began using Brian's phone to get a hold of the limo company.




Then he promptly (albeit accidently) dropped it.




Sorry for the blurry shot; it's difficult to take a picture when one is doubling over in laughter.




Dwayne picked up the pieces...




...and consoled a bemused Brian.




Just another day in Dwayne's World.




Dwayne actually called his wife and asked her to use their computer to find any limo company links that had been clicked on in the browser.




Amid all the chaos we finally made it to the theater.




They had several searchlights.




A close-up of a searchlight, flame and all.




The world famous Cinerama Dome.




As soon as we got there we immediately saw Jodie Foster on the red carpet.




Then I caught sight of the man of the hour.




I can now say I took a picture with Sean Connery.




Workin' the ladies.




Tired of gawking from behind hordes of onlookers, Brian took matters into his own hands and slipped into the press area.




Brian has his first shot at greatness but whiffs... the Chicago Way. Dwayne and I abuse him mercilessly. Though, to his credit, he's there and we were still behind the barriers.




Jim Carrey and Mike Myers were there.




Ok, that was just embarrassing.




Talking on your cell phone adds a bit of authenticity, like he's calling his news editor.




A narcoleptic Keanu.




Johnny Utah shows Brian his moves.




A dapper Warren Beatty.




All Brian could muster was, "You Look Great."




Dustin and Warren Share a Moment.




Hello, Jodie. I can smell your Evian skin cream.




Brian finally gets the attention of someone -- Jodie Foster. He asks her to say hi to Dwayne, and she does so, even adding a wave.




Color Dwayne euphoric.




When we finally made it inside we stopped in front of the movie poster for The Man Who Would be King. Since Terry and Fedor had had bought their tickets from craigslist and weren't sitting with us they had made their way inside long ago.




We picked up our complementary popcorn and drinks.




We finally got situated and I took a flashless shot of the Dome ceiling (I had to sneak my camera into the theater in my sock to avoid the metal detector wands at the doors). Then the fun began, and I don't mean the movie. While the show was supposed to begin at 7 p.m. we knew from last year that the stars ended up schmoozing with each other in some private star-schmoozing room well after the start time. The three of us didn't even get to our seats until 7:15. It turns out the movie didn't actually begin until 8 p.m.




So... after sitting around bored for a while in an increasingly warm theater, the AFI MC finally came out and blah blah blahed before giving away stuff. The final giveaway was a metallic water bottle from Target, AFI's main sponsor. The MC dude actually decided to throw this thing into the crowd, figuring that we were a cultured bunch and would react in a civilized and appropriate manner. Yeah, I don't think so. The guy happened to toss the bottle in Brian's direction. As he got up to make the catch I reached across Dwayne and gave a small "nudge". Well, apparently Brian was off balance and my love tap sent him flying onto the 90-year old woman sitting next him. Brian flattened her. There was a loud gasp from the surrounding crowd, and Brian looked like the biggest jerk in Hollywood (and that includes Steve Martin).




Dwayne, of course, was enjoying the devastation and humiliation unfolding to his left, and continuously made comments. You can see the old lady just past Brian's shoulder, with the Target bottle situated between them. Brian kept offering it to her but she refused to take it.




Then it happened: As Brian was taking a swig of his free coke, Dwayne said, ''Dude, you looked like a rag doll knocked across the football field by Lyle Alzado.'' Brian did the spit-takes of all spit-takes, spewing not only on the floor but also, unfortunately for him, on the girl sitting in front of him. That was it for me; I almost passed out because I was laughing so hard. Dwayne only made it worse by making comments like, "He actually just vomited on that poor girl" and "Is that a pepperoni on her back." Brian said he heard the girl say to her dude that she was going punch someone. And you know what the biggest irony of this whole thing was? Brian was the one who scored these tickets and was nice enough to invite us along to see Sean Connery et al.




After the movie we met up with Fedor and Terry, and Fedor gave a rise home in his sweet Benzo.




That's right, big guy. It was just another adventure on this crazy ride we call life.