Brian and Eric’s Butt-Numb-A-Thon is a daylong movie-watching event not for the weak of heart (or the weak of butt for that matter). Those who have never seen more than three consecutive movies in a single day need not apply; we have little patience for amateurs.

The following rules are intended to divide the proverbial men from the boys and to save any poseurs intense and lifelong humiliation.

1. There is no sleeping during the viewing of movies. No exceptions, no excuses! The Butt-Numb-A-Thons are scheduled well in advance. Plan your life accordingly.

A. We reserve the right to slug you if you are observed breaking this rule.

2. Unless agreed upon beforehand, any participant who begins a Butt-Numb-A-Thon must finish a Butt-Numb-A-Thon. Any divergence from this rule constitutes a lifetime ban.

3. Any participant who joins a Butt-Numb-A-Thon in progress may only do so if s/he brings some serious grub for the rest to enjoy. (We call this the “Timosa Law”)

A. Brian and Eric reserve the right to interpret “serious.”

4. The participant with the least amount of Butt-Numb-A-Thon experience must carry Movie Date Ken® throughout the day.

A. Movie Date Ken® must always have his own seat, except in the case of a sold-out theatre (Ken is always a gentleman and will offer his place to a needy moviegoer).

5. There is no patronizing of the theatre snack bars except for cups, ice, and napkins. (When you’re stickin’ it to The Man you don’t help his business.)

6. Anyone who chooses to make their own Butt-Numb-A-Thon may use the name if they watch a minimum of five (5) movies; anything less would be an insult to the good name of said adventure.

7. No texting during movies. (We call this the “JoshO Rule”)

8. No “grab-assing” (per the Captain’s rules in Cool Hand Luke).